After a radiator malfunction yesterday at the base of Pike’s Peak, and the resulting damage to my pride, I decided I was going to conquer that mountain today. But earlier this morning I was kicking myself over the fact that I incurred the cost of a new radiator. Setbacks like these are the ones that make me second-guess my profession as a musician. Despite the effort, the time, the driving, the shows, the writing, sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. But, after a fourteen mile drive up the winding road to the peak, watching the clouds get closer and closer, the trees fewer and fewer, I arrived at the summit. I was overwhelmed by how big the world seemed up there compared to my damn radiator. When you look at such a view, the world seems so profound. I felt like I knew so little about anything. This may be an unusual way to put it, but I felt like I wanted to somehow consume the world and its secrets as thought that would somehow enlighten me. I wanted to be nourished by and participate in whatever it’s up to. Wow, trippy.
Grace is both the fall and the getting up. It is grace that allows me to do what I do. When I experience moments like this, I feel I have no choice but to give in and participate in this larger beauty. Playing life safe in order to avoid the trials that come with doing the work of creating a better world is an attempt to live a life other than the one given to us.